Bring back the basic black shorts. Please.

Men should not be allowed anywhere near fashion. OK. I said it. Whenever men try to enter the fashion world, bad things happen. Civilization as we know it teeters on the brink of destruction. I don’t want to call into evidence the Nehru jacket or the…….leisure suit. In fact, the whole Miami Vice era is one I’d like to forget.

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In cycling we are nearing a similar cataclysmic event. Maybe this is what’s behind all the problems in cycling today. For shorts, basic black was good. In fact, it was very good. Then Mario Cipollini made us all believe we could carry off something other than black shorts. The races stopped fining riders for wearing non-black shorts and right out of the gate, we had team Carerra wearing ‘jeans’ shorts. We should have stopped right then. But once the genie is out of the bottle, you can’t put it back.

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Now Sauiner-Duval cycling team has done something that makes it difficult to even watch a race. I’m going to put my cards on the table now so if you are easily offended, leave now. If you have kids, tell them to go to bed. I’ll wait.

OK, here is one really disturbing side effect of the move from black. It tends to accentuate an area I don’t particularly want accentuated. There I said it. Now, the yellow on black pattern of Sauiner-Duval seems to create an arrow pointing at…. well you know, there.

When David Millar rode to prologue victory, I could not enjoy it. When he stood atop the podium, I was uncomfortable. When the whole team rode tempo on stage one, it was really, really bad.

When will we learn.

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9 Responses to Bring back the basic black shorts. Please.

  1. Impressive! Thank you.

  2. Lynda West says:

    Great blog, good job getting it all together 🙂

  3. Ed says:

    My wife cringes every time a stage winner sits up as he crosses the finish line and then mounts the podium. She can’t decide who are more unaware of their vulgarity, cyclists or speed skaters.

    Seriously, do these guys not wear ANY kind of under garment? There’s nothing between us and them but a thin layer of lycra? Ick!

  4. Fidel Ramos says:

    Thanks for sharing!

  5. pelotonjim says:

    Ed, I’m sorry to say that there is nothing between you and the naughty bits but a thin sheet of Lycra.

    I’d like to say more but I need to shower and find a therapist for the nightmares I’m about to have.

  6. I don’t think the jeans shorts are all that bad. But then again don’t ask my wife why she made me return the (what I thought were the greatest) SAECO bib shorts I won on eBay . . .

  7. pelotonjim says:

    Anything worn by Super Mario gets a pass. Esp. the Julius Caesar get up back in 1999

  8. Matthew McNeil says:

    This article and replies are purely homophobic. In Europe, South America and other places cycling enthusiasts are focused on the cycling and could care less about guys’ bulging packages. Only in this country do we get so obsessed about spandex or speedos on guys. No other culture cares, looks or obsesses about this. It’s a part of the human body, and if it’s bound up into a discrete, round package (and not hanging out like a porn scene) it shouldn’t be objected to. What do you people do when you go to the public square in Italy where naked weenies sculpted in marble are publicly displayed? You probably have little guilt-driven, homophobic heart attacks.

    Don’t worry about superior male bodies in lycra. If it bothers you, you’ve got some severe sexual repression and guilt issues. Get therapy and stop watching cycling.

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