I heard that quite a bit growing up. Recently, my mantra has been, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.” I know I have been very spotty with my posts recently but I’d like to offer up the following as evidence in my case. We just completed a three week stage race that rivals any of the grand tours. Call this one the Tour de Gastronomy. My role was the dutiful soigner to my wife the Directeur Sportif.
You know my hobby, well my wife’s hobby is cooking. This spring when we completed a complete renovatioon of the kitchen, little did I know what was in store come holiday season.
Stage 1: Bunco. A seemingly easy opening stage, Beth had her Bunco crowd over for a holiday version of the “game.” As soigner, I helped make sure all musettes and bidons were filled for all the team cars that came to the feed zone. Of course, part of the soigner’s job is quality control. All food was thoroughly tested prior to being placed in the musette bags.
Stage 2: NYC. Not a lot of work for the soigner except driving my parents into the city in the team car. We took them to dinner and a show and stayed the night in order to tour the windows, tree, and other stuff. While the workload was low we managed to consume quite a bit of calories to store for later use.
Stage 3: The in-laws. After the easy, the tour headed for the mountains. There was plenty of prep work for the Directeur and the soigner. Lots of musette bags and plenty of bidons were used during this stage.
Stage 4: My side. I’m one of 5 so there were plenty of siblings and little ones. The adults required multiple bidons and musette bags prepared by the Directeur and handed out in the feed zone. The bidons were in great demand.
Stage 5: Rutgers. I’m a Temple University grad but if you are anywhere in the vicinity, Rutgers is the topic of the year. It turns out that we have quite a few Rutgers alumni in the neighborhood. When the local cable company got in a spat with the NFL network over the game, we jumped in. Many years ago, we switched to DirectTv since they had a fledgling cable channel OLN which showed cycling. Now, we were the ones with the NFL network and the bowl game. This turned out to be the queen’s stage.
Today, I decided to begin the ardous process of shedding the extra adipose tissue. I am in fear of riding in my red shirt since I may be mistaked for another man on vacation this time of year. I also am afraid of weraing my grey and black gear as a well-meaning member of Green Peace may try to take me to the shoreline to rejoin my pod.
Wish me luck!
Does anyone know if any of the following has been added to the doping list? If so, I fear for the off season test.
- trans fat
- cheese metabolites
- single malt